November 21st: Reeb fallout and trauma
[ posted by mcdeviltoast ]
Day 65
Woke feeling like I needed to be winded like a watch. The gears in my chest, stomach and head felt loose and disjointed. I needed a day of recovery, but first I needed to get Linda home.
I walked her to the gate hoping my students wouldn't see. If I was ultra-conspicuous before, it was multiplied tenfold by walking with a Chinese girl. I tried walking her to the hotel for a taxi, but she insisted on going up the road. Eventually we flagged one down and then I was made to get in, too haggard to decline, running on some kind of apathetic autopilot. Whatever was happening, fine. I just tried to get my head straight and my stomach unknotted.
We went to two banks, then to a book store where she bought a dictionary. I was a scuffing, shrugging mess. She tried to explain where we were going next, made a scissors over head pantomime. "Fine," I yawned.
We went into a salon and I had that head shampoo thing done, the back of my head and sides trimmed. I woozed in the chair, shut my eyes. Afterwards we went to Ming Tien, had company sandwich, french fries and coffee, of which I only finished the coffee. I played a few songs on the piano, left.
As we walked around the corner to the main drag again, a girl on a bike fell and slid under a car. The car kept going forward, experienced a little hesitation on the bike, moved forward again. The girl eyes were slits and she was screaming.The tire was pinching her arm, and it threatened to roll over her head next. I was a second from running over and yanking the guy out of the car when someone nearby did it for me (not the yanking, but stopped him) A large crowd swamped around the activity. I almost threw up. That girl was seconds away from having her life snuffed by a careless motorist.
This new disturbing habit of seeing accidents has made me jumpy on the cycling-around-town front. Before, I had the naive assumption that everyone's carelessness led to a harmonious tuned chaos where the partcipants evaded danger by going with the flow. Now I've seen twice the results of their lack of street rules. I've got that image of a girl under a car tire, poised to continue in my head for all time. Thanks, Haimen.
Linda shopped for different stuff, asked my opinion on things, but all I could do was try not to think of what I had just witnessed. When all that was done, we took a cab back to the school and she followed me in. I asked Erin how to shake her, as I only wanted time to myself now. Erin suggested I tell her I had to work. Briliant.That worked, and she asked about the club. I told her I was not DJing, but I don't know if she understood me.
Erin and I went to the hotel for dinner, had ham and egg sandwich and some Sprite for the old tummy.It helped. I read more Joyce, started to get back into my skin. My gears were wound again.
Back at my room, I blogged, then slept. Around midnight, to my dread, Linda was at the window saying "Dao wei?" over and over again. I could just picture every dorm light coming on, everyone a witness to my movie. I wasn't sure if she was drunk or if she had come back for the dictionary, or if I had inadvertently encouraged a stalker through international niceness. That's me, good intentions, horrible results, like when I hit the retarded girl in the head with the frisbee at the parade (I was just trying to throw it to her, and then my good deed earned me the title of "villain of the day.")
She knocked at my door, went back to the window, then something landed on my porch area and she left. I went back to sleep after ten minutes of nervousness. How the hell did she get past the gate? Sleep was marred by flashback of the girl and the car.
Woke feeling like I needed to be winded like a watch. The gears in my chest, stomach and head felt loose and disjointed. I needed a day of recovery, but first I needed to get Linda home.
I walked her to the gate hoping my students wouldn't see. If I was ultra-conspicuous before, it was multiplied tenfold by walking with a Chinese girl. I tried walking her to the hotel for a taxi, but she insisted on going up the road. Eventually we flagged one down and then I was made to get in, too haggard to decline, running on some kind of apathetic autopilot. Whatever was happening, fine. I just tried to get my head straight and my stomach unknotted.
We went to two banks, then to a book store where she bought a dictionary. I was a scuffing, shrugging mess. She tried to explain where we were going next, made a scissors over head pantomime. "Fine," I yawned.
We went into a salon and I had that head shampoo thing done, the back of my head and sides trimmed. I woozed in the chair, shut my eyes. Afterwards we went to Ming Tien, had company sandwich, french fries and coffee, of which I only finished the coffee. I played a few songs on the piano, left.
As we walked around the corner to the main drag again, a girl on a bike fell and slid under a car. The car kept going forward, experienced a little hesitation on the bike, moved forward again. The girl eyes were slits and she was screaming.The tire was pinching her arm, and it threatened to roll over her head next. I was a second from running over and yanking the guy out of the car when someone nearby did it for me (not the yanking, but stopped him) A large crowd swamped around the activity. I almost threw up. That girl was seconds away from having her life snuffed by a careless motorist.
This new disturbing habit of seeing accidents has made me jumpy on the cycling-around-town front. Before, I had the naive assumption that everyone's carelessness led to a harmonious tuned chaos where the partcipants evaded danger by going with the flow. Now I've seen twice the results of their lack of street rules. I've got that image of a girl under a car tire, poised to continue in my head for all time. Thanks, Haimen.
Linda shopped for different stuff, asked my opinion on things, but all I could do was try not to think of what I had just witnessed. When all that was done, we took a cab back to the school and she followed me in. I asked Erin how to shake her, as I only wanted time to myself now. Erin suggested I tell her I had to work. Briliant.That worked, and she asked about the club. I told her I was not DJing, but I don't know if she understood me.
Erin and I went to the hotel for dinner, had ham and egg sandwich and some Sprite for the old tummy.It helped. I read more Joyce, started to get back into my skin. My gears were wound again.
Back at my room, I blogged, then slept. Around midnight, to my dread, Linda was at the window saying "Dao wei?" over and over again. I could just picture every dorm light coming on, everyone a witness to my movie. I wasn't sure if she was drunk or if she had come back for the dictionary, or if I had inadvertently encouraged a stalker through international niceness. That's me, good intentions, horrible results, like when I hit the retarded girl in the head with the frisbee at the parade (I was just trying to throw it to her, and then my good deed earned me the title of "villain of the day.")
She knocked at my door, went back to the window, then something landed on my porch area and she left. I went back to sleep after ten minutes of nervousness. How the hell did she get past the gate? Sleep was marred by flashback of the girl and the car.
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[ posted by mcdeviltoast @ 11/21/2004 11:25:00 PM ]
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The dumbtronica act Montana & McDeviltoast, along with their friends, keep each other updated on their activities. Much fun having by all, and Pockys fear for their lives!