the three decade threshold

(at the time of this writing, i'm trying to shrug off a bad dream in which some high school kids stole my backpack and i had important stuff that they just ripped up or kept and laughed at and after i did my report i saw hem on the street but i couldn't get to them to strangle them because of slippery ice on the ground. very frustrating ordeal. the worst part was just the intensity of the anger, very un-buddhist, very un-aaron. i don't get angry. i just get "passionately disappointed.")

Some good things that have happened: reuniting with friends, but with some of them, after a few minutes it's all the same. Perhaps I placed too much importance, missed them too much for there to ever be a balance. Or maybe it's a symptom of Cincinnati I had forgotten: to take everything in stride with a negative coating, for if nothing gets to you, then one can tread water here and not care. I don't want to be like that. I have too much love to share. If people have up delflector shields that keep out happy and hurt both, I'm not going to waste my time.

At the Lite Brite festival at the Southgate House I got to be involved with a live Romper Room taping, explore role play as a five year old again. I was clumsy, loved gumballs, was bad at hula hooping, good at drawing pictures, shy, didn't like David Garza as a clown. The set made it very easy to get into character. Since it was on the third floor in a small area, the fire marshall only let in a few people, then he and his three cronies (whose presence upped the maximum occupancy past his own estimate) took pictures of the event.

Steve and I have started working on "Punishment Horse," a very Devo-esque song still in the beginning stages. We're entertaining the idea of busting out a gentle EP this weekend of song titles taken from my Chinglish shirts like "Over the RainRow," "Airplane Surprised," "Bass, does it swell?" and such.

I have some callbacks and prospects jobwise. An interview today at Habanero. Sean's trying to swing something for me at Boca, and Molly put me in contact with someone working on a commercial this weekend. Things are rolling.

On the ESL front, the more research I do on Western Europe, the more apparent it is that they only hire people from England. It makes sense, they don't have to fly as far, and they're in the EU. But dammit, it's not fair. So I'm starting to look at South America or Mexico, beat them at their own game. Spain has put through a law that makes it easier for Americans to get employed as teachers, so maybe the rest of Western Europe can follow. I've also started my application to the Peace Corps. Thumb in many pies, that's me.

I got a computer from Gabe so I can work on tunes and not have it freeze up like my old one. I'm very eager to begin recording my songs. I have to borrow a keyboard from Stephanie again.

I miss Mike and Heather, Rhys and Jeni, and Lindsey who is returning to China in less than a month. I'm envious. I've gotten used to living life out of a suitcase. Home is the journey, the constant is being in transit, and life is anticipating getting somewhere. I don't like feeling "planted" even if it's only a brief year. I've outgrown my old life, perhaps.

Things are supposed to solidify when you turn 30. Loose ends tied up from the 20's, onward you march with wisdom and quiet resolve, a calm behind the eyes. A little over a week, the transformation will be official. I will have reached my critical Jesus years, to parlez all I've learned and "arrive." I am ready. I feel I've progressed right on schedule. Maybe this "limbo" haze was to get me to acknowledge it, add weight to the event, let me release the 20's with a "Finally!" instead of some desperate clawing as I'm dragged over the three decade threshold.